How loss of vision sparked a gain in perspective
My story began 32 years ago, in a small town in the Western part of the Netherlands. I was born a curious girl, with curly brown hair and olive-green eyes, thinking I had a whole life of visual exploration ahead of me. From a young age, I had a strong interest in anything global – wildlife, cultures, international relations- and so travel quickly became one of my most-loved activities.
Then, at age 16, slowly but steadily, a blur started to appear in the center of my vision. Assuming what I needed was a fashionable pair of glasses, I went to my local optician, only to be sent home with the message that my blurry vision was ‘a result of my perfectionism’.
Three months and a whole series of medical tests later, the real explanation finally came to light. In a small, dark room of the national Dutch eye hospital, there they suddenly were: the 3 words and 27 letters that had my life take a 180-degree turn…
Juvenile Macular Degeneration
It was the first time I saw my dad cry and I knew it was bad business. I would be losing my central vision and there was nothing I could do.
I lived in denial for years. My brain took the dirtiest yet quickest coping route: flight. Whenever someone asked about my disability, an automatic tape recorder switched on – distant and impersonal – strategically shielding me from any painful feelings.
Subconsciously however, I was deeply anxious. Studious as I was, I managed to successfully finish my bachelor’s degree and bravely started a masters. The stress of the master’s thesis turned out to be the drop that made my bucket overflow. With a cesspit full of unprocessed emotions, I suffered a severe panic disorder aged just 25.
Yet, it is exactly this crisis that eventually gave birth to ‘Beyond my Blur’. Years of therapy later, I can now wake up feeling grateful for what I can still see. I take conscious moments to appreciate visual beauty and pay closer attention to my non-visual senses. It feels like I have found…
A deeper level of consciousness
These are the gifts I consider my blur to have given me; and the ones I would like to pass on to you by means of this website. No amount of blur will ever stop me from traveling and pursuing my passions.
Thank you for reading my story. I hope my articles will challenge you to go beyond your own blur; whatever that personally means to you.
